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Sunday, 6 March 2011

Suicide of the Young




Carefully fitting small, uneven pieces together,
A mosaic that whispers of raw secret beauty stretches in scarlet and shadow
Across the soul of the sky.
Fading into paleness, disappearing into the unacknowledged
Without so much as a hint of complaint or a cry.

You have caught the light.
Taken my laughter, peace, certainty.
All that was rightfully mine.
All I would have given you willingly,
If you had only given me time.

You have caught the light, and still, appear unmoved.
Lost in a silence so deep and resonating.
Standing draped in solitude.
But you can not be unmoved.
I can not believe you are.
Because I see the changing depth of color
Pouring from infinite skies.
I see the way it floods over you,
Seeps into you,
Then spills out of your clear eyes.

I count the passing moments.
As I will count each coming, quiet hour
Until I am able to admit to myself
That all I would die to make better for you will always be beyond my power.

Funny
How certain things become treasures -
When etched in the brilliance of loss and pain.
My heart fills and shatters with the knowledge of smiles that will never be directed my way again.

And trust.
And loyalty.
And...love.
That always simply were,
Only that the words so rarely passed my lips
That no clear echoes remain.
No tangible proof they existed
Therefore, nowhere to place any blame.

You must not have seen…
You’re beautiful.
You must not have seen…
You’re precious…

But that is because this world lacks in love and in grace.
I wish we could have protected you
Linked arms and gathered around you,
Somehow kept you in this place.

 April 2005

18 comments:

Brian Miller said...

the title is enough and then you took it from there...suicide always gets me...what was going on in their life...how did they feel so alone that they thought no one would miss them, that this was the best way? sad. not seeing that you are beautiful, that you mean somthing...really nice write..

Alicia said...

Beautiful beyond description.. and yet achingly real in this great loss of yours.
These words of longing are familiar in that I may have written to unborn babies I had lost years ago now, to a heavenly playground.

Corinne Rodrigues said...

Yes, how terrible that someone does not realize their own self-worth. Your words are beautiful and so full of love and empathy...

kate said...

I think I know who you wrote that for, and it is beautiful!

Felisol said...

Suicide is sorrow and desperation beyond words.
I too have blamed myself for not seeing, not being there when I should have.
I once had a patient who said to me, "My problem is not dying, but to endure the waiting until death arrives."

One feels poor and helpless dealing with such pains.

I'm glad you "saw" the friend home with Jesus, crying and getting comfort and peace.
I know that's how it will be.
"Come to me,"Jesus said.

Deborah said...

Colleen, that is so beautiful. I also love your response to Brian, that we must be generous with our love and our smiles because we never know who might need it. I try to be as open and honest as i can be with people about things I'm feeling, struggling with, because I never know who I might help just by sharing and letting others know they are not alone.
Thanks so much for your poems, your thoughts, and all your comments to me. They mean so much! :)

Colleen said...

Deborah, we posted at the same time, just so you don't think I was ignoring you.:) I would never do that!:)

Thank you very much for your thoughts. I think your attitude of honesty and openness is so admirable and you are so right, you never know who might need to hear what you say, who might be encouraged by your struggles and successes. I always appreciate you honesty and your genuine heart...that's why I am pretty much addicted to your blog.:)

sacramento said...

My dear Colleen, you are a true poet of the soul. I suposse you wrote the poem for somebody close to you. I am so touched.
I am not religious at all; although I believe that we go on somehow.
Catholism in Spain nowaday is more of a tradition than a true faith.
I do not live in Málaga, although I spend there a few days every month visiting my youngest daughter.
It is a lovely place.
Much love always.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Grace-WorkinProgress said...

The young don't have enough experience to know this too shall pass. Everything is so raw an early escape seems the only choice.

Karen Kyle Ericson said...

Beautiful. Very sensitive and hopeful. We can share our smiles. Thanks for sharing this piece.

DUTA said...

Very moving poem!
I was especially touched by the last two stanzas that revolve around awareness to beauty, love, preciousness.
You're a very gifted poet, Colleen!

Hope Adela Pasztor said...

what a sad and beautiful poem

Zuzana said...

Beautiful poem about a great loss, one that can never make sense to those left behind and that will always be painful and unexplained, leaving others in pain too great to ever overcome.
I view life as an incredible gift and it saddens me a great deal when to some this gift becomes a burden, they see no possibility to deal with - how tragic that is.
You are such a sensitive
and talented poet...
xoxo

Colleen said...

Thank you for the compliment dear Sacremento. Very interesting to read what you say about faith in Spain today, I appreciate that you answered my questions.:) Much love to you!

Grace, I think you have a wise and valid point there.

Karen, thank you for your comment.:)

DUTA, thank you very much. The last two stanzas were the two I struggled with most. They just never sounded "right" to me, so I appreciate that.

Hope, thank you for visiting and your lovely words.

Jenn, Berge is actually my married name, Wilson was my maiden name, but still very cool.:) Yeah it's pronounced like the English word :bear, hard g sound and soft e sound at the end. Ber-g-e, each letter is pronounced.:) What nationality is your family?

Zuzana, thank you very much for your words. It saddens me very much too. I can't imagine the heartbreaking hopelessness. I appreciate you thoughts on this.

TheBabyMammaChronicles said...

Such a sad topic Colleen but you have a way of writing everything so beautifully that it takes the edge off of even the worst subjects. I think you're so right that we need to always be thinking about sending out our love and smiles into the world because you do never know who needs them. This is something I need to work on.

StLphotogirl said...

Such a beautiful picture and sad poem.

Carol@simple_catholic said...

This powerful poem broke my heart.

"You must not have seen…
You’re beautiful.
You must not have seen…
You’re precious…"

If only every sad and despairing soul could read these words and realize how loved and beautiful they really are...

ModernMom said...

So strong and so hard to read...
Well done.