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Saturday, 20 October 2012

The Second Time (A Summary of The Present Adoption Thus Far)


Now I won't claim to have always been a shining beacon of graceful waiting for others to marvel over.  No, no, really, I haven't.  I have, however, come quite a long way from going to pieces at nothing and kicking cement walls and shouting at God in the hallway.  That is, I was in the hallway.  Well no wait, I suppose God actually was there as well.  Anyway, my point is that I have certainly spent time waiting before but much of that time has been sadly lacking in maturity and anything even resembling grace.  I provide the link for evidence as I know you don't believe me.  http://thecolorspectrum.blogspot.no/2010/03/straw-that-broke-camels-back-really.html

There now.  Objections overruled.

So, the second time.  In the case of our first adoption from Sri Lanka, all things considered, we were blessed beyond belief at how quickly it transpired.  22 months in total.  Which quite honestly, is nothing in adoption time.  I have known people whose adoptions took five or six years to complete.  The only thing is that I pray fervently that this present adoption doesn't take that long.  Consider again, the first adoption in its entirety took 22 months.  This adoption process has already taken 21 months and unfortunately our papers are not even in Sri Lanka yet due to the country being closed to foreign adoptions at present.  Now I am not complaining, I am simply stating a fact when I say that nothing has gone smoothly so far in this process.  If a delay has been possible, you can bet it's happened.  If this had been our first adoption experience, I may have given up hope by now.  But we're seasoned veterans now.  And ages older than I was all those many long years ago when I kicked walls and shrieked in frustration because I couldn't tie my shoelace.  Three whole years older.

Certainly we are at a far different place in our lives now than we were the first time we waited and this time waiting is not the agony it was then but it still is difficult in its own way.  They predict that it will still take three or so years when our papers reach Sri Lanka so as you can imagine we are very very hopeful that things straighten themselves out soon.  So the time we wait may be five or six pregnancies long to put it in perspective.  Though it is not a physical weight, you'd be quite mistaken in thinking that waiting adoptive parents don't also carry a very heavy burden of weight around with them as well.

However, I believe I have learned something since the last time and if I haven't learned it perfectly yet, that is because I am a work in progress.  I am learning grace in uncontrollable circumstances.  I am learning contentment in my daily life.  I am learning to simply cherish the child I have at present and to pray for the one we will adopt in the future.  Put very simply, I hope.  I just hope.

I can't predict when Sri Lanka will open its doors again so what can I do but accept the waiting?  I can predict nothing.

Once again, it comes down to releasing control.  Even as we adopted the first time, we had "plans".  Plans to adopt many children.  Plans about how quickly we could follow one adoption with another. Etc, etc., etc.  For now, we simply wait and the only thing we can control is the grace with which we do so.  And well, even that, I admit to needing quite a lot of help from God with.  When I pray for the strength to be patient, I find He is quite willing to oblige me. ;)

So cheers.  Hope with me that I have some news to impart soon.             

28 comments:

Susan Deborah said...

Colleen, I've meant to ask you this. How come Sri-Lanka fascinated you so much that you have decided to adopt children from here. I remember reading that you travelled here long ago and liked the place but somehow I seem to feel that you share a very intimate relationship with SL even before you decided to adopt children. What is that connection? Intrigued. I am asking you all this because SL is so very close to Tamil Nadu, from where I come.

Joy always,
Susan

Brian Miller said...

truth on the releasing of control...that is what causes our frustration and even anger is the need to feel in control but patience itself is a relization we dont have it....

Rachna said...

Wishing you strength and patience to get by this time. The wait can be excruciating, but keep the faith!

JANU said...

The rules and restriction, the government policies cannot understand what is in our heart. Yes, it is a test of our patience.
Good luck.

Dawn said...

"Though it is not a physical weight, you'd be quite mistaken in thinking that waiting adoptive parents don't also carry a very heavy burden of weight around with them as well." - So true, Colleen. I actually think yours must be an even greater weight.

I always admire your honesty and realness. Thanks for being open with your weaknesses.

Lauren Davenport said...

Saying a prayer for you during this time of waiting. It will be well worth the wait!

Colleen said...

Susan Deborah, what a good question, thank you for asking! I may devote a coming blog post to it.:) How interesting to hear you are so close. I would be fascinated to know more about where you come from and what it's like there! Joy to you too my friend.

Brian, I like that explanation of patience.:)

Rachna and Janaki, thank you both so much for your encouragement!

Dawn, coming from you, that means a lot to me, thank you.

Lauren, welcome here! And thank you so much for your vote of confidence! I do keep telling myself the same thing and know it is true. We will be so overjoyed to receive this next precious gift and that must remain our focus. Thanks again.

Dangerous Linda said...

Like Susan Deborah, I'm curious about why you are so attached to adopting from Sri-Lanka? Do you have a particular child in mind there? I know pretty much nothing about adopting a child, so please forgive me if I am asking stupid questions, but if you are anxious about adopting quickly so you can raise more children wouldn't it make sense to open up your options about adopting older kids or kids from places/situations without so many political restrictions and hoops to jump through?

LL Cool Joe said...

I just popped over from Mari's blog and your post caught my attention.

We have 2 adopted daughters, they were both about 10 months old when we we adopted them, now they are 14 and 18. The adoption process here in the UK was very long too but definitely worth the wait. :)

BelovedBomber said...

I am not a great example of a patient woman. I have been waiting on God for something for five years. Oh, how I am learning. I am slow but learning to trust. I can easily look on from the outside and remind you that God has a perfect timing schedule, but I think I will just ask Him to reveal little pieces to you so you may continue to walk in His amazing peace every time those feelings of worry or impatience try to rise up. Many blessings! I can't wait to hear the end of this wonderful story!

Colleen said...

Linda your questions are good ones.:) I will send you a PM.

LL Cool Joe, thanks so much for your encouragement and sharing your own experience! Wishing you and your lovely family a great weekend!

Beloved Bomber, Thank you for your wise and caring words. I look forward to sharing the story as it unfolds. :)

Debra said...

Colleen, as you’re about to see, I’m still in cliché mode;-)
Don’t hold your breath, but do remember that there’s more than one way to skin a cat.
And never forget, good things come to those who wait.

Empty Nester said...

I love that you are learning from this experience. So many of us forget to learn the lessons that come our way. While it is difficult to wait, your journey is growing you and your husband in such wonderful ways. I'm sure this will only serve to enhance the beauty of your family! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers!

Just Be Real said...

Oooooo patience is not a great strength of mine. although this past year I have had to have a lot of it. Hugs to you dear one during this time.

Barbara said...

Patience is very hard for me. Be strong. I hope that it all works out soon.

Becca said...

Such an honest blog post! I'm so glad to have found you as well. We've thought a lot about adoption and I have so many questions. Thank you for sharing your thoughts here and bringing us into your heart and your head, your disappointments and your peace.

Shell said...

So hard to wait! But it sounds like you are doing a good job of it!

Grandma K said...

Watching friends work through the adoption process makes it very clear that the 'weight' of adoption is very, very heavy. Carrying a baby for 9 months seems small compared to the years of waiting you and so many others 'carry' their children.
May you continue to know God's love and grace in this time. I so admire you and our dear friends as they work towards making a home for these children.

Pamela said...

I cannot possibly know what the waiting must feel like. (Although we waited a long, long 9 years for our first child) But even in not knowing, I can pray and I promise you I will. I'll be praying for your children, too--since our God knows exactly who they are.

Domestic Sweetheart said...

Thanks for sharing! I heart your blog! Good luck on your journey :) I'm following you on GFC:)
xo
www.domesticsweetheart.com

Tiffany said...

Ugh. Waiting is so hard. Even when you have a child already, there is still that feeling of "my family isn't complete yet." I'm so sorry you have to wait through a country closure. I can't imagine how disappointing that must be.

Colleen said...

Thank you all so much for your lovely words of encouragement.

That corgi :) said...

Thank you for visiting my blog (A Bench's Notebook) and your kind comment. How exciting to adopting again (we have two adopted children). It is an adventure indeed and both of ours were domestic adoptions years ago; so much has changed since then. You are so right to wait on God's timing. For our second, we purposefully slowed down the process because my sister was getting married later in the year and I didn't want to travel across country with a newborn. About a month before we got the call about our son, I told hubby that I thought we needed to get back to doing the paperwork because I thought God's timing was coming along sooner than ours. We didn't finish the paperwork, but we did travel with a 2-month-old to my sister's wedding 3000 miles away (car trip). God's timing is always the best even though sometimes we end up waiting longer than we thing we should or it comes quicker than we think we should.

betty

rama said...

If you are not particular about adopting from Srilanka only, then you can consider adopting from India. I have relatives who have taken three children from an organisation that is quite decent, and they are very happy with the children. They have all opted to take only girl child, and I don't think they have had any waiting problems. They got the child while still a few weeks or months old.
You should check out some sites in India, especially Bangalore.
Wish you all the best.

Colleen said...

Betty what an encouraging and uplifting story! Thank you for sharing your own exciting adoption journey with me!

Dear Rama, thank you for that information! I would truly love to adopt from India but due to certain regulations at the moment here in Norway I just don't know how likely it is at present. :( I really appreciate the info though and would do so in a heartbeat if I could! Thank you for sharing!

Corinne @ Everyday Gyaan said...

I had missed this post, Colleen and am glad I could catch up on it. You know that your situation has been in my prayers for sometime now. Stay hopeful, my dear friend. ♥

melissa said...

There's so much courage in there apart from the decision to adopt as many... I think it also takes a bit of courage to wait... simply...

I continually pray for you and your family and hope that everything comes out well.

Lots of love!

Crown of Beauty said...

Colleen I have not been in blog land much the past months. But I have missed coming here, and today I came over to visit you. Glad I did, cause this post says you just turned 32. Belated birthday greetings. This was such a good post to read. Always so honest, the transparency refreshes me, because I hate small talk too.

As for fresh mangoes, and lying in a hammock... try one of our islands. We grow the sweetest mangoes in the whole world, and in any island resort - developed or pristine, you can be in a hammock all day. Let the gentles breezes and the sound of the waves at the seashore lull you to sleep.

Have a beautiful meaningful 2013 ahead of you.

Much love
Lidia