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Wednesday, 16 March 2011

William's Smile




Your smile.
I love your smile.
It knocks me out.

Sometimes I try not to smile when you do.
Not to laugh when I hear you laugh.
But it never works.
Never.

It's innocence.
Fresh. Powerful. Infinite innocence.
Like play and hope and spring sunshine.
Like dreams
It's a certain breathless fear and the all the far, far future smiling back at me.

It's love, that smile.

Ease. Mischief. Movement.

A privilege:

To sit on a cold beach in harsh sunlight.
Watching you watch the sand thread through your fingers.
And you smile.
I think: this is the brightest gift.
The best thing
Anybody has ever given me.

It's wonder at this moment.
Laughter the next.

And your laughter:

Some days it follows me
Everywhere.
A breeze of joy or a wild wind. Whipping around the house.

Later I gently pour water over your head in the bathtub and you laugh
So hard
It sounds like you're crying.

I look at your wet hair clinging to the back of your chubby neck.
Bent over a toy in the water.

And I feel vulnerable.
Like anything that hurt you would tear right through me too.

Suddenly you don't look as strong as your smile.
Or the sound of your laughter.

Will you be alright someday out there in that big, big, crumbling world?

It alarms me.
The idea that you might not be greeted with love everywhere you go.



30 comments:

Pia said...

I understand you. The worries - will they be greeted with love? But I think he will. He is adorable, he will be strong, caring, loving.
You really touch me with your words. I fail to comment as well as I would like to in English.

Brian Miller said...

big smiles at the description...mischief, movement....and then the sobering reality is that he probably will not...

very stirring post...

Michael Khatcherian said...

I've experienced both gladness and sadness reading your post. It is not a perfect world and we don't expect to be greeted always with a smile, but this doesn't stop us from going.

Karen Kyle Ericson said...

That's beautiful! You have a gift for sure. God bless!

Corinne Rodrigues said...

He is truly beautiful, Colleen. I guess like all things beautiful, we enjoy them, we protect them, we nurture them, we worry about them...Your fears are well-founded, but your love will ensure that he knows he's beautiful! Hugs....and give W and tight hug for me!

Life with Kaishon said...

This is the most gorgeous thing I have read or seen in weeks. Off to tweet this masterpiece. I love it.

It is scary, isn't it? That scary feeling like something could hurt them and we have no control over it. It makes me weep.

Judi said...

You have put into words what , I'm sure, all new mothers wish they could! Bravo Colleen...you are so very talented and amazing...

Joyful said...

He is very adorable and engaging with his wonderful smile and cherubic face. I'm sure it tears the heart of a mother to know how cruel the world can be but with your love and guidance he will grow up to be able to withstand and to feel your love. Blessings.

Mari said...

He is just so cute!
I really liked what you wrote - all parents can understand this. It was very touching.

Felisol said...

Dear Colleen,
Being a Mom is just how you so well have described it.
Mixed joy and fear without limit.

Being so vulnerable that one needs an extra layer of skin.
Watching other children suffer shoots burning arrows into the body.

Were it not for this love and passion beyond words, mankind would not survive.

Happily Ever After Again said...

wow. first i was feeling all bubbly, thinking about how my daughter makes me feel the same way. her happiness makes me happy.

then my heart sank. i hate the thought that we cannot protect our children, and that they will endure some pain in this life. oh, how i want to shield my baby too!

you reminded me of a poem i love about children going off into the world.

i'll have to find it and post it.

everything was expressed so lovely. :)

Ann Nichols said...

You so captured in this poem mother's love... What a beautiful little girl you have! The moments do pass so quickly but you have one another to hold on to...throughout them all!
Blessings!
Ann

Zuzana said...

My dearest Colleen, what a beautiful tribute to your baby, a lovely manifestation of a mothers love, that contains so much; everything from affection, devotion, admiration to worries and apprehension...
This post touched me tears today...
Are you familiar with the famous Kahlil Gibran quote? It has always spoken volumes to me...
Have a lovely day.
xoxo

Just Be Real said...

A very precious child. Blessings.

OtienoHongo said...

Your words are filled with so much love...I hope he will get to read them when he comes of age!

Mariannes blogg said...

Nydelig! <3
Idag ble jeg spurt om hvordan jeg vil reagere hvis Marius skulle bli utsatt for f.eks rasisme, og det eneste jeg kunne si var at jeg håper Marius vil oppleve så mye kjærlighet fra oss nå, og bekreftelse på at han er skapt akkurat slik han skal være at det vonde bare preller av på han <3
Så hvis de ikke skulle bli møtt med den samme kjærligheten vi føler og gir hver dag, så vil de være sterke nok til å takle det!
Gode varme tanker til dere:))

catholicofthule said...

He's gorgeous!

Ellinor said...

Just beautiful :)

Mariannes blogg said...

And yes! He is beautiful!
How blessed we are!

Mandi said...

That was beautiful!! You are an amazing writer!

Deborah said...

your words always evoke such an emotional response. Love the peace and innocence, the simplicity and then the fear doubt and worry. Powerful...
have you published any of your work??

Karen said...

trust me, Colleen, you will always wonder if they're being greeted with love, even when they're in the 30's like mine are. But you can always pray for them. What a gorgeous handsome boy your son is! And such a delight. Isn't motherhood wonderful?!
Thanks for your visit to my blog. Gonna have a look around now and "follow." blessings on your day!

The Elegant Bohemian said...

Colleen....yes! YES! YES! It's petrifyingly wonderful being a parent. I love your last line, that your precious baby might not be greeted by love everywhere he goes in the world. I know that feeling. Your baby is so precious! ~Serene

Lori said...

Such beauty in your words Colleen...as always you captured so well the heart of loving these precious little beings...I want you to know that I think of you often and miss you. XX

Everyday Goddess said...

Wonderfully expressed. Blissings to you!

adriel, from the mommyhood memos said...

your little boy is just beautiful, as are your words to him!

Toyin O. said...

What a beautiful poem to your gorgeous boy; he is going to be alright since he has an awesome mum to raise him and more importantly, because he has a God watching over him:)

Crown of Beauty said...

This is beautiful. These poems are good to keep in a book, to give to your son when he grows up.

I understand how you feel.

But when a child is brought up in love, and taught to trust in God at an early age, he becomes strong... and he is equipped with courage to face the world.

May God continue to give you wisdom as you bring up this little boy.

Love
Lidj

Cheyenne said...

What an absolute precious bunting.

Janet said...

Beautiful Colleen! I have no words :)