What if one didn't know how to be happy?
What if one chased restlessness and discontent through long, long years full of grievances and discord?
What if one had every good thing, perhaps not the thing, that nameless, elusive thing, but still, every good thing and couldn't find a reason to smile?
What if seconds, minutes, hours, days disappeared in the blink of an eye? If the bottom of one's heart collapsed and all these gifted days...memories that should have been cherished or worse, people who should have been cherished...fell out and spiraled into a deceptively rich black nothingness?
What if the world we live in is less conducive to happiness than it ever was before?
And even if that last question were true, would the fault still not lie with ourselves? I have to confess that I see the promotion of this idea of a perfect, idyllic life everywhere and it causes me to wonder. For example, if I am truly secure in my happiness, secure in the quiet joy my life brings me, why would I need to make sure everybody knew it? Why would I need others affirmation?
It's like desperation. Like protesting too much. I find it interesting.
I remember reading about a woman who couldn't look at a certain image without deep sorrow. In fact she couldn't bear to look on it at all. It humbled her so much. I don't have a problem with that sentiment, it's very admirable. My admiration disappeared though as I read on and this thought was presented again and again. I began to doubt her sincerity. I began to doubt that looking upon this particular image really humbled her at all. I started to think that in fact, it was a great source of pride to her that she couldn't see this image without weeping. Maybe that is judgmental of me but that is how my mind works. I always become slightly doubtful when somebody feels the need to overemphasize something.
I suppose what I'm trying to say is that lately we overemphasize happiness.
I think we overemphasize what we don't have. I think it's a tactic born of desperation. A product of the superficiality of our times.
Much love, C.
32 comments:
You've done it again. You spoke to deep inside of me...inside my thoughts..I too have often thought myself too much a skeptic...but I also am guilty of being too happy, and tend to show it off. Well I'm not explaining myself very well, I just know I love what you write!
Dear Colleen,
How can I know happiness, If I don't know sorrow?
How would I be able to count the stars, If the sky wasn't dark.
How would I love peace, If I hadn't felt anxiety?
How could I love,
If I never felt hate?
From Felisol
You are so deep and profound.
I try to be happy because being sad stinks! Sometimes it creeps in and overwhelms me and then I struggle to regain the happy place : )
Wishing you a happy day with your delicious baby and your husband!
PS I STAY happy because I stay close to my family! They give me MUCH joy and happiness : )
Beautiful words. I believe there's nothing wrong with being sad and crying. There's nothing wrong with not being happy- we were designed for a broad range of emotions. There's nothing wrong with being happy. But to pretend to be happy causes stomach troubles and all sorts of problems. Even in my faith, I wander like a little girl from God and when I realize I'm too far away, I cry out His name and I know He's still there. I'm with you- be real. Live! :) Awesome post!
@Felisol- how could we have compassion if we didn't know pain?
See Colleen you got us all thinking :) Thanks!
Thank you all for your thoughtful comments, you always get me thinking as well.:)
I also think it's wonderful to be happy and try to live in a way that creates happiness in myself and hopefully those around me.:) I am talking more about the overemphasizing where everything is perfect all the time, not real happiness just the need to make it appear so, know what I mean?
Have a lovely weekend everyone.
Yes, Colleen, you have us thinking....
A friend, who has experienced an extremely difficult year said to me last night that we can have joy even though we are not happy.
Sometimes I wonder about people who are always "up". Are they for real?
I am so glad you still blog! Thank you.
Thanks Karen Kyle for your thoughts too!
Oh and I also am NOT talking about sharing joy with others either! Happiness and joy are meant to be shared after all...I mean the phony butterflies and rainbows stuff! :)
Now I'm off to bed because it is late here in Norway! Good night friends!
Grandma K, your friend is so wise and has learned a truth that is so difficult (I don't quite have that one mastered yet!). I am a happy and optimistic person but I strive for honesty as well! Thanks for your comment, it's always so nice to hear from you.:)
Dear Judi, I LOVE your happiness! It's honest and I'm glad you share it! I just don't like phony and that you are not!!:)
Felisol, thank you for sharing those beautiful words. They are so true!
Becky, I always appreciate an upbeat person and I think it is a strong characteristic to try to overcome your sadness when you feel it! I don't think it's right to dwell on the negative either...there must be a balance.:) Thank you for your comment, I wish you so much happiness too and appreciate your comment!
Karen, you got it exactly! Thank you for understanding!:)
Hmm, some interesting thoughts here, Colleen. Lately I am overemphasizing my mother's transition to nursing home and my need for simplicity. Does that make me desperate? I'd have to say "yes" in both these cases. I am desperate to have my mother get 24/7 care. I'm also desperate to have less clutter. I don't know if desperation explains every aspect of overemphasizing something but in these two cases of mine, it does :-) Good food for thought.
There was a time in my life in which I didn't know how to be happy unless I was high. I was so filled with sadness, pain and hate that I held not a drop of happiness. I thought about dying every day. In fact, I prayed for my death as I went to sleep at night. When I woke in the morning I would cry because I was alive. Ever since God changed my heart with his love I found true happiness. Now I know true happiness.
I agree with you that there is a big over emphasize on happiness in our world today. It seems that there is this belief that we must be happy all of the time...that if we are not elated or happy then something must be wrong. I also see a lot of artificial happiness...based on "stuff" or attaining a certain standard of living or getting to do certain activities will bring happiness.
Another great thought provoking post Colleen. Thank you! XX
oh this is so true. and it is speaking to me right now. thank you for this. so glad i clicked on yur name in someone's comments and came to find this lovely blog of yours :)
Great blog...and if we did not know how to be happy, i think we would be dead. Thanks for sharing!
Beautiful deep writing - I agree, I think we are all hunting for happiness. Often not really realizing what it really means to be happy. We have a preconceived notions about it, that is instigated into us through book, films, art, through the *appearance* of happiness as we perceive it in others.
Happiness is often an illusion and consist of only perfect moments in time.
To be constantly happy is impossible. Still, I believe that as long as we can view life for what it really is and try to find something beautiful in each day, we can come pretty close.;)
Have a lovely Friday dear Coleen,
xoxo
Joyful, I don't know about those examples.:) I also know there are certain things I overemphasize in my life but not everyone can be judged the same way I suppose. I know it tends to be true of me in cases when I say I am strong or vehemently don't care about something...the very vehemence would prove otherwise. As for your examples, I think that not only your mother but you too are going through a period of transition and therefore it's only natural to think about it, pray about it, speak about it, etc. I don't think it makes you desperate. There are times we also just need to work through things in life so they are on our minds a lot. Hugs to you. Praying you stay strong through this. And you know what? I am the same about decluttering!:) I wrote a post on that a while back...it's a mania for me!!:)
Lori, you have come so far. That just breaks my heart to know you suffered through that but at the same time, look at you now! That is so inspiring! Yes, it's the artificial happiness I am talking about...the "perfect life" stuff.:) Thank you for your comment and xxx back to you today!
Kamana, welcome here! What a beautiful name! I am glad you stopped by and hope you enjoyed what you found. Take care.:)
Murugi, thank you for you comment! I agree and yet we do see so many people who suffer from incredible discontent as well but then, like you say, perhaps something in their spirit is dead already...temporarily. I believe there is always hope.:)
Zuzana, such profound thoughts and I think you have hit on the real truth of the matter as well. We CAN find something beautiful in each day! I LOVE that!! I recently read a simple sentence "Each morning I will choose to be content." I know I let myself get dragged down sometimes by those horrible comparisons and thoughts of what I don't have but I desperately want to focus on the good and beautiful, what I DO have! Your philosophy is so lovely...thank you for sharing it!
Hope your weekend is beautiful and that you see some vibrant and glorious sunsets and rises from your windows!
These "What If" questions tormet me many times but those are part and pacel of the existential meanderings. They pass away. As you have rightly mnetioned," we overemphasize what we don't have" and this happens when the mind is idle and bored.
Life is too beautiful to be spent worrying about things we do not have.
Great thoughts to mull over in the weekend.
Joy to you and all at home,
Susan
P. S: Please do update on the second adoption. Eager to hear. Much love :)
I hope I'm not misreading you but
It strikes me that you want to tip the scales a little bit back in a certain direction...
That you want to stress the need to be conscious of experiencing life's good things.
That while holes exist in life (which shouldn't meet our disinterest), we aren't only holes.
I have a little book of sketches by Stevie Smith, and the sketches carry her own hand-written captions underneath. In one, a child perhaps someone like William (albeit with not as impressive a head of hair), is reaching for an older other (perhaps someone like you). It looks like the two are hugging, but they might be dancing instead. The caption reads: “There are some human beings who do not wish for eternal life.”
I think this sketch leans close to what I read you as saying: Torn between the good that could be, and the good that is, choose (and don't lose sight of) the good that is.
(Although I think the two are connected in the sense that because we do experience goodness, we readily recognize where it doesn't exist, and want something better)
All things lead back to me which means I am truly self absorbed. I can be obsessed with myself just like the woman who first noticed that looking at something made her sad an ah ha moment turns into more about her than what she was looking at.
Can we really ever free ourselves from ourselves? Probably not.
Hi Colleen, Once again I love your post. This quote in particular struck a nerve, if perhaps for a different reason..."if I am truly secure in my happiness, secure in the quiet joy my life brings me, why would I need to make sure everybody knew it? "
It made me question why I feel the need to blog. I am on a journey, as we all are, but why choose to write online? Is it just to put my thoughts out into the universe? Is it to connect with others? Or am I looking for affirmation? I suppose its a little of all of that...
Susan Deborah, as always I so appreciate your insight! Especially the part about "life being too beautiful to worry about what we don't have." Perfectly put! Much joy to you too and I will update about the adoption soon I hope.:) We don't know too much ourselves yet but I am very excited to find out more and share that! Have a lovely weekend!
Kelly, no you aren't misreading me! You put it better than I did in fact!:) That's what I want and I feel sometimes we talk so much and don't really experience. That sketch by Stevie Smith sounds like something to think about...she had a very unique world view, didn't she? I think I understand that quote and agree, choose the good that is. So true, I think we see all sorts of "better good" in places it doesn't exist and we long fro what we don't have, it creates feelings of discontent. Thanks for the comment! I love hearing from you!
Grace (May I call you that?), we are all self-absorbed. It is so so natural. Especially at times we are trying to figure things out. I certainly am at least. :) But I believe we can learn otherwise...don't ask me how though, I just have hope we can!!:) And no, I doubt that we can ever truly free ourselves from ourselves, I think it's a life long struggle that takes a lot of prayer. Take care. From what I know of you, I admire you.
Oh Deborah, I know what you mean. That statement about being secure in happiness was as much for me as anyone. I wonder that too about blogging and I certainly am looking for affirmation on some level otherwise why would I do it? It is rewarding as well to feel that maybe in this great big world, there a few people who hear your voice and care...you know? I know too that we are only supposed to look to god for our value and affirmation but that also is a lifetime struggle I think as naturally we look toward human beings because well, it's what our instinct is.:) I know for me and I think for you too, writing helps me work through what I feel...writing is like a war that takes place in order to come to a peaceful solution within ourselves. Maybe our journeys help one another...lift each other up in ways we don't anticipate...
Thank you so much for your thoughts!
Colleen, I loved your response to my comments. I know you always comment back so i do check your comment sections, but I don't know if you come back to check mine when you post on my blog, and I wanted to make sure you see this. So I'm back over here to tell you that I do know the story of Corrie Ten Boom. She is an amazing woman, such an inspiration. Could I do what she did? The magnitude of what she endured, and what she had to overcome to get to that place of forgiveness is nothing short of a miracle. I love her story, thanks for reminding me of her!! I hope you have a great weekend, and I agree, i so enjoy hearing others journeys. I learn so much from people :)
Great post, Colleen. You always make me think deeply. I believe that there's an overdose of the quick-fix all around. You can buy every (almost) off the shelves...including enhanced body parts! So I guess happiness too can be peddled and bought........
Not sure why I recalled these words of Khalil Gibran but I thought I'd share them here :
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the self same well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be?
Love and hugs
C
I know only one thing - that the happiness this world offers is not lasting, and it is often elusive. What makes us extremely happy one day has the ability to cause sadness another day.
There is such a thing as joy that lasts... and that is what can co-exist with sorrow... don't know how it can happen, but I have felt it a few times - where you feel sorrow, yet there is a sense of joy, like an undercurrent, beneath it all.
Well, your post certainly thought provoking Colleen.
This world has taught us to be on that never ending quest to be happy, as if sadness was a bad thing. I am always of the opinion that a little sadness will not do us harm - for it allows us to be in touch with our humanity.
As long as we are on this earth, life will always be tinged with pain and sadness, even in our shining moments of happiness.
But like you, I wonder if it is right to never be able to get out of sadness. That is just too unhealthy.
Psychologists say that on any given day, to be truly emotionally healthy, we need to go through a cycle of sad - happy - angry. It is normal. To stay stuck in only one of these three emotions is not normal.
Thanks for sharing your deep thoughts with us.
Love
Lidj
You've got me thinking ...do I place too much on happiness?????
Thank you for your lovely comments on my blog they are much appreciated. And how is that baby boy of yours doing????
Love Lisa xx
Great post! You made me think today.
I know we found each other's blogs after I wrote this, so I hope you don't mind if I share with you a post I wrote about the balance between joy and sorrow.
Message From Mother Nature
I wrote it in the days after my father passed away.
Shelly
Very deep. I am in the process of regaining my happiness and joy.....
I do so try to focus on the blessings that I do have..not the have nots. Thanks for the reminder.
Deborah, I shall head over right away to read your response! I love when people reply to their comments, it makes me feel what I have written has been noted so thank you!:)
Corinne, I love Khalil Gibran, thank you for sharing that quote, it's beautiful. A complex though put simply. Yes, I too think are too many quick fixes out there and that none of them will ultimately satisfy. Thank you for your thoughts!
Lidj, I am very interested in what you've written and agree with you. It is a mystery that sorrow and joy can exist simultaneously but they can. Both are perhaps the most honest emotions, mature emotions. As always thank you fro your insight!
Lisa, you are welcome! And I think it's completely fine to put a high price on happiness, so long as what we seek is genuine!:)
Shelly, I went and read your post and can honestly say I have rarely read something more beautiful. It was so soothing to read it, thank you for sharing it with me.
JBR, you are doing so well. Hugs.
Modern Mom, Yes, I try to do that too but I need to remind myself often!:)
"The joy of the Lord is our strength!"
How true these words are for us as believers. You're right the world is over emphasizing happiness, everybody wants it for nobody wants to feel unhappy - it's so 1990's. Nobody wants to be left out. People see those around them who are smiling all the time and think they're happy not really realizing that those people are wearing a mask in response to the masks others wear.
I heard this quote the other day which touch me so, that I wrote it down. It's by Helen Keller: "True happiness... is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose."
I think it fits in perfectly to what you were saying. The world tells us that true happiness is through self-gratification but the more we self-gratify the unhappier we get, why? Because it's self centered and not centered on others. Giving of yourself is the most rewarding thing you can do.
I'm so thankful the Lord brought me to His family. As a youngster I had a very hard time and struggled with depression, not so bad that I needed medication but still bad enough. I would laugh, and the laughter was genuine for I dearly love to laugh but there was no joy behind it. Now I can honestly say that I am a truly joyful and happy person - not by my doing by any means but by Lord's: The joy of the Lord is my strength. Thank You Lord for the joy that you give us! :o)
Not that happiness is overrated, but yeah, I agree that it's overemphasized. People think they're entitled to be happy. God never promised that. He did promise joy, though, which is happiness in spite of circumstances. blessings, k
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