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Wednesday, 14 July 2010

Forever Capturing Castles

(Southern Manitoba)


"I decided then that beauty was sad
And always eluding us
Because we don't know how to care for it
Or cherish it as we should.
I decided none-the-less that I would wait for beauty
Because it was worth waiting for
." (Verse 3 from a poem I wrote in 2003)

"Perhaps he finds beauty saddening--I do myself sometimes. Once when I was quite little I asked father why this was and he explained that it was due to our knowledge of beauty's evanescence, which reminds us that we ourselves shall die. Then he said I was probably too young to understand him; but I understood perfectly."(pg. 147, I Capture the Castle)

I love beauty. I struggle with beauty. With its transience. Its brevity.

Where I'm from:

Occasionally where I'm from, there's a quality of light on a summer evening, soft and silvery, ethereal. When I sit outside in the evening, it speaks to me of childhood and purity. It's the same sky overhead. The same sounds of insects chirping in the fields. The same scents of the prairies and lakes that breathe stories to me of the days when I was closer to the earth. All around me, land. I can breathe so freely here. It has always made my heart ache.

Sometimes I struggle with sadness because I miss these things. Easy laughter and soft conversations into the night. A gently creaking porch swing. A different depth. A different way of living and being. I breathe so freely here.

Where I am:

I search for different beauty here. I must seek out different joys. I have to put more of my soul into my faith because breathing freely doesn't come as easily for me here. Some days I have to remind myself to breathe, to be who I am without apology. I have to remind myself of what I wanted, the life I sought and how blessed I am that it in fact is the life I've found.

There is wonder in the sound of the horses hooves pounding the earth as they race each other in the field beside our home for no reason other than joy. There is beauty in our lush green garden in which the sun dances on a beautiful Northern summer day like today. There is contentment in those I treasure...the family God has blessed me with. Who make this slightly shabby, charming house on the outskirts of town a home. I can love this life. I can do my best. I can bridge two worlds and be at peace in both.

How can I not be thankful for that?

8 comments:

Life with Kaishon said...

What a beautiful picture Colleen! Your family is lovely. You can't help but smile when you see this :)

Janet said...

Colleen that was beautiful! Thank you for that :o) I needed a good dose of beauty today. It's true, beauty is so fleeting; you'll be gazing at a breathtaking sunset and as quickly as it came it's gone again. I love photography for that very reason; to capture a glimpse of that perfect moment for eternity. Photography literally means to write with light and where there is light there is sight and where there is sight there is beauty, we just need to look for it :o)

Let me encourage you with one thing; those memories you recounted from Canada, that peacefulness, that beauty, the place where you can freely breath... well William is going to feel the exact same way about where you live right now. He'll look back and think of those horses running around in the field next door and remember falling asleep to their sound. Wherever he goes in the world he'll look up to the starry night and think of the Norwegian stars with longing.

You'll always miss your past, there's nothing you can do about that. Let it be a part of you but don't let it dictate your happiness today :o)

I have this little plate on my shelf that says, "Life if is not measured by the breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away." In many ways that is so true!

I love you girl!
Thanks for this entry, it blessed my heart :o)

Judi said...

oh Colleen, once again your writings have moved me...I was on my deck this morning basking in what is my beautiful life...thoroughly spoiled out here...always enjoy that I can be my true self where I am...I mean let's face it my true self is...well, just right of center! Love you girl!

Colleen said...

Thank you for the compliment Life of Kaishon (sorry, I don't know your first name.:)! The picture makes me smile too!
Janet my dear, you thoughts are lovely! I never knew the definition of "photography" and now that I do, I LOVE it! "To write with light"...that is poetic.:) And you're right, there will always be bits of our pasts that we are nostalgic for! I feel it more now than before!:) I am so glad this entry blessed you in some way! Miss you my friend!
Judi, you are always your true self!! :) The "just right of center" made me pretty much snort with laughter! :) We have it good, don't we?;)

Stephanie said...

Such a beautiful post. And your son couldn't be any cuter!

Thanks for visiting my blog :) I look forward to getting to know you!

Crown of Beauty said...

What a lovely lovely lovely post.

It made me want to cry - for no reason than that I feel the beauty and the sadness you speak about.

What a treasure it is, to visit your blog place and find this beautiful post, and share your heart.

Lovely photo!

Love
Lidj

Dawn said...

colleen... thank you. God has gifted you with being able to express in words what most of us can only feel (but can't quite grasp as closely because we cannot speak of it). i had tears in my eyes reading your post today. as children we had freedom to just be and enjoy the world around us; savor every moment. these days i feel lost in the responsibilities and pressures of life. thank you for the reminder that there is so much more, and we need to be looking for it - in all its different forms.

Colleen said...

Thank you Stephanie, Lidj and Dawn. I appreciate the thoughtful and heartfelt comments.
Dawn I miss you my friend. I know exactly what you mean about feeling lost or weighed down by things sometimes.
Take care of yourself and you beautiful family.