And you're...Catholic...aren't you?

This is going back in time almost a year now.

Per and I sitting on one couch in our living room, holding hands, the sun shining in through the window warming our backs. Our social worker sitting across from us, paper and pen in hand, reviewing the many pages she had written during the interview. Fresh fruit and flowers on the table between us. Expectancy hovering in the air. We are done. She looks up at us, smiling and tells us that in her opinion we are excellent canidates for adoptive parents. We seem to be able to provide what is needed and raise the child in a loving and safe environment and that she will portray us in the best possible light when she writes her report on us. Per and I smile in relief at one another.

And then she glances back down at her notes, frowns as if wanting to clarify something and asks me "But you're Catholic, aren't you?" To which I reply yes. She asks then, because I think that Catholicism is not so easily understood by many who aren't Catholic or have been raised perhaps to see it as something one must be suspicious of, "Doesn't that mean you're very strict?" I ask her what she means and she replies "Well, strict with things like birth control and abortion..." With that she picks up her pen again to write down my answer and my heart sinks. Sinks because I know that depending on her personal beliefs, she could change her opinion of us as potential adoptive parents in a heartbeat if she so desires. Sinks because I know that regardless of the consequences, I have to be honest. Even if it means losing the chance at an excellent social report and perhaps, consequently, our approval.

So I think carefully and reply that yes, I do believe abortion is wrong and the reason for this is because I believe all life is sacred, including the unborn. It stands to reason logically that if someone is alive and another person takes that life away, it is very wrong because life is valuable and precious and each unborn child has the right to life, to grow, to learn and play and make mistakes and become what they were created to become. When I say I am against abortion, I hope I say it with love, gentleness and compassion not anger or hatred or frothing at the mouth. I am in no position to judge but I have an obligation to be honest about what it is that I believe.

In any case, the social worker seemed to understand because when she wrote the report she wrote it in such a way that said simply "Colleen believes all life is sacred." But I must admit, I had some moments of uncertainty because the topic is such a controversial one that I feared she might change her mind or portray us differently because of that. (Of course, as you know, we were approved so my fears were groundless.)

I'm not sure why I thought of this now, maybe just so that nobody mistakenly assumes that the interviews we went through were all fun and games. ;)

Like Water Off A Duck's Back...

I generally try to live my life in such a way that I am not overly occupied with what others may think about me and the decisions that I make. "Try" being the key word, since no one can claim to completely disregard what others feel or think about them, and if they do claim this, then they must live a life absolutely without either hurt, happiness or frustration at the things others do or say.

Usually it's enough for me that I know who I am. I know what I am doing (Most of the time, that is.;) and I know what I believe.

I guess what I feel today, as I write this, is a need to clarify, to express how my husband and I feel about our adoption. This need may stem from several comments that I have gotten in the past, (which I have since removed because I don't want to dwell on things like that.:), concerning what we are doing.

I just want to clarify that my husband and I are joyfully awaiting our child as well...though he or she will be a child of the heart and not the body. This is not a second rate child we will be taking into our hearts, lives, and home and this is not a last resort decision. We are not ashamed to be doing this, we are honored and privilaged to be trusted with this precious small life and thrilled at all the possibilty that we never expected to be offered. We are blessed. This is what we are choosing to do. And honestly? We're pretty excited about it all. :)

To continue on that positive note, there have also been so many people who have shown love and support and interest in this and in us. My mom who has given me small gifts for small children already with a smile and hopeful words, my sister in law, who put her love and time into creating an adoption scrapbook for my husband and I and many, many more people who have shown their excitment and joy for us and prayed for us and have shared in our happiness so far! Thank you, it all means more than we are able to express.