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Wednesday, 23 September 2009

Icarus Falling

I had a dream about you last night. In the dream you died. You weren't here anymore and it broke my heart.  I would never tell you this. It was nothing to joke about. It was devastating, disconcerting, bewildering.

A world without you? Colorless. Empty. Impossible.

And it occurs to me that there are times we hurt. So much. There are time that our smiles are desperate imitations of the real thing. There are times we ache for somebody to hold out their hands to us. To look at us. Really look at us and see who we are, the life that pulses beneath our flesh. It occurs to me that we can die without this.

Small deaths. And we all bear the weight of this.

The death of truth. The death of hope. The death of communication. The death of prayer. The death of unity. The death of trust. The death of friendship and love. The death of that life and spirit that pulses beneath our flesh and makes us who we are.

I hope that you know I can see you. I hope that I can be there. These times when you're hurting. I see you. I hear you. I know who you are. I won't let you go and I won't let you fall. I won't let these small deaths be permanent.

Please be so gentle. With yourself.

2 comments:

jjdelta said...

Colleen that is absolutely beautiful! And you are so right. The times we hurt are times where we can learn and be strengthened but they can also be times where the situation is so bleak and hopeless that we die. We die on the inside, a slow creeping death that gnaws at our conscious and takes away who we are. The sad part is that we might not even notice it until it's too late. Half of us is already gone when one day we wake up and think about who we were a while back and then we realize, with a startling shock, who it is that we've become; this skeleton of a person that goes through the motions. This death:

"The death of truth. The death of hope. The death of communication. The death of prayer. The death of unity. The death of trust. The death of friendship and love. The death of the life and spirit that pulses beneath our flesh and makes us who we are."

that has taken place has consumed all that we are.

Zion said...

beautiful tragic truth, I love the way you write Colleen, so inspiring, and my heart just swells with sympathy for those who lose, those who suffer from those deaths, no matter how big or small, thanks for sharing with us your words of wisdom Colleen.