So, here I am everybody! Twiddling my thumbs, humming brightly off key, waiting ever so patiently for my life to change. Ok, alright, not so very patiently if you must know the truth...
I was waiting patiently until about the beginning of June when we found out that another Norwegian family who had had their papers in Sri Lanka for almost the exact same time as us, had gotten their big call, their referral! That news was the most thrilling and happy news, well aside from actually receiving the call ourselves of course.
It made the possibility of us getting our very own referral suddenly somehow real and since then, although I have gone about my days as normally as I usually go about my days, I have had a whole rabble of butterflies, a swarm if you will, in my belly every morning, and each time my phone has buzzed for any reason at all, I reach for it with fumbling, shaking hands, usually dropping it in my eagerness or madly pressing all buttons at once so that it just gives up and puts itself out of its misery by switching itself off.
All things considered, I believe my husband and I are waiting patiently enough.
We are the next couple in "line" now to receive our tildeling or referral call, but realistically we may not be chosen next for any number of reasons. As desperately as I want to be chosen next, it's important to be aware of the reality of the situation as well.
Even if we are, for whatever reason, not the next couple to receive our call, we will still be extremely excited for whoever it is that does. Naturally slightly disappointed but happy as well because we believe there is a certain child or sibling group (if that's what we are blessed with), especially chosen for us. I don't believe it's a random thing, a roll of the dice and ok, if it's a 5, you get this child, if it's a 2, you get this one instead.
No, it's a planned thing. It is the conclusion of a long, long sequence of events, the initial decision to adopt; the interviews, the putting yourself on display for others to judge what sometimes has felt like every small, intimate detail of your lives; the endless paper collecting, doctor's visits, police checks, etc.; the waiting; the heartache and joy of it; the approval; then more waiting. The referral call is an end to this messy, fascinating business. (Until the next time we adopt at least.;)
And it's a beginning. The beginning of a new sort of life, one we have been longing for!
So ring, phone, ring...and if not for us this time, then certainly do it for someone else! :)