Search This Blog :

Saturday, 28 February 2009

The Other Woman

I think a lot about this other woman.

She is often there, in my mind, like a too recent memory of something painful and sharp. Like a void within myself that I can't yet fill or abandon, my thoughts and prayers often turn to her. My heart and soul ache for her in a dull, quiet way. My mind understands there will be pain involved, grief even, depending on her circumstances of which I know nothing.

I try to picture her but find it difficult. Arms around herself, hands resting on her belly. Is she just a child herself? A widow? A wife who simply can't support yet another child? What will she feel when she learns she's pregnant? Will she be filled with joy and hope, praying for the possibility that maybe there's a chance however small, she may not have to part with her precious baby? Will she be terrified, dreading what is to come? Is the child she will carry the product of love or anger or neither? When will she begin to think about me? A nameless woman in another country, another world. She will change my life. I will change hers. Will she hate me?

Her pain matters to me. I want to promise her so much. Mostly, that I will not forget her...and I won't allow her child to forget her. That I love her and cry for her. She will always be a part of me, living in her child that I also love already. That this is so complex. I may leave Sri Lanka with her tiny bundle of hope in my arms. But I pray I can leave a little bit of hope behind me too.

13 comments:

mommie2CapitolKing said...

(((HUGS))) you have such a big heart, so many people don't even think of that part of the process. It's a beautiful writing and it brought tears of sympathy to my eyes.
I hope and pray that you will leave hope and happiness behind you when you go home with your bundle of joy.

Sesselja said...

Both a painfull and beautifull text. You put into words what I think about often.

Kate said...

Lovely writing, Colleen! I am of two minds about it............ if she is living and in difficult circumstances, although this will be hard for her, and there will be some sadness involved, in her heart, she will thank you....... Every mother wants what is best for her child, and sometimes the best thing a woman can do is see her child safely out of a situation, a country, a war and into the loving arms of another. If she has passed away, I believe she will be nearby, watching over her child and watching over you and one day when you meet, she will have tears in her eyes and thank you for a job well done. In the next world, if not in this one, you have made a dear, dear friend! Kate

Colleen said...

I appreciate the comments ladies. Thanks for taking the time to read what I've written.

Mom, I understand what you're saying. That's what I mean about the situation being so emotionally complex and I think the depth of feeling involved in giving a child up would be different for each woman. I guess I am just seeing it as the most painful of all human partings, the most unnatural for most mothers. Even if she knows is giving her child to a loving family in a safer situation, when that logic is put aside, I just think the grief of it must be unbearable.

Sesselja said...

Colleen - after yesterday's happy news, you might be the next one out! :D

Colleen said...

Sesselja, congratulations on your approval!!! As I said on your blog, I am so happy and excited for you guys!! It just makes my day to hear such great news!:) You must e so excited!!

Sesselja said...

I am thrilled, over the moon!

But so must you be. You and your hubby is now first or second in 'the line'. Next kid might be yours!

Colleen said...

We are? Really? Well thank you for that happy news!!!
I am so scared though...at the moment I don't have a proper passport...I am PRAYING I get one very soon!!:)

Dawn Bell said...

oh colleen, you so beautifully express your heart and had me in tears within the first couple sentences. already today i have been praying for you (i have your wedding photo on my wall and was thinking about you guys again). i pray so much that God would grant you what your heart desires. i know you will make a wonderful mom.

Colleen said...

Thank you so much Dawn for thinking of us and praying for us! It means so much to hear that!!

Meg said...

I know how you feel hon. it's amazing.

Sesselja said...

Hi Colleen, hope you've sorted out your passport! After yesterday's tildeling, you and your hubby should now be first one in the queue. Next time Adopsjonforum calls someone with happy news, they might just be calling you guys! Promise you'1l share the happy news if they do! :)

Ine said...

Beautifully written!